Forming and maintaining meaningful close relationships after
a traumatic brain injury can be very difficult.
You may not be able to recall who important people are in your life,
such as your parents, siblings, significant other, or even your children. I remember after I woke up from my coma, my
father asking me if I knew who he was. All I could do was respond with a very slow
thumbs up. I cannot recall the exact
look on his face, but I do remember him being overjoyed with me knowing who he
was.
Despite
having a wonderful family by my side through my recovery, I still have a desire
to build meaningful relationships outside of that close knit circle. My biggest difficulty thus far has been
expressing my thoughts and feelings to others.
This can be very common in survivors often leading to feeling
misunderstood or feeling isolated. It is
also sometimes difficult for me to understand what others are meaning when they
say certain things. This is a huge
barrier, often affecting all relationships post injury. When participating in open conversation, I
sometimes think that others are saying insulting things; this causes me to
“emotionally” shut down. I have read
that other survivors can become irritated and may say or do things that they
later regret upon misunderstanding a conversation. Friendships often crumble upon repeated
misunderstandings, due to lack of communication.
Another
significant barrier to building new relationships after traumatic brain injury
may include difficulties living within a long term rehabilitation
facility. Difficulties in getting from place to place
can make it incredibly hard to visit friends or do the things that were once
enjoyable. It may be almost impossible
to decide to up and go to the mall for the afternoon, due to staffing issues as
well as transportation. Participating in a work or recreational program on top
of daily therapies can further restrict your time to partake in solo activities
to build relationships. It can also be
intimidating to go out in the community with a large group of housemates. I often find myself sticking with the group
as I should, but reluctant to associate with others outside of the group. Time restrictions put in place by the
facility may limit visits with friends.
This can be aggravating to be an adult and have a curfew so to
speak. I’m not trying to knock living in
these facilities, because I do, I just know there are some issues that will
always arise.
The largest
barrier to building relationships, in my opinion, is meeting new people. This is a must to create any type of
relationships, whether it is an acquaintance, or a potential significant other,
you will never know if you never meet them.
After injury survivors often stop working, and partaking in community
based events; such as sports, church, or other social activities. This limits the amount of people that the
survivor can come in contact with to converse and build a relationship. Over time, friends and coworkers may lose
contact with you, due to their own busy lives. This happens a lot, and if there
isn’t a way to replace these relationships, the survivor can end up feeling
alone and may become depressed.
Now let’s
overcome these difficulties! When
conversing back and forth, try to ask open ended questions, so the person is
more likely to give a detailed response, allowing you to elaborate on what they
are saying. This is a huge
conversational pointer! Try not to push
away the people that care about you, instead let family and friends know your
positive and negative feelings to allow them to assist you better. Attempt to take the initiative to make an
acquaintance a friend. This can be done
by inviting someone over for a visit that you regularly see but may not speak
to outside whatever you usually do. Keep
in mind that it is much easier to get to know someone if you are participating
in an activity that is enjoyed by both parties.
Once a
connection has been established, it must be maintained and cultivated. This takes intention, attention, courage,
creativity, and love from both parties.
These things take hard work, but the rewards are rich and friends can
make the intolerable tolerable. So get out there and make a new friend or get
to know a new partner. Having a positive
relationship can help you feel satisfied with your life and give you a sense of
belonging and self worth. Something we all search for in life.
